Through several conversations in the last week, God has been gently nudging me to take notice of something in my life. The "lightbulb" moment came while I was at a recent concert.
Anita and I went with some friends to Columbia to see Steven Curtis Chapman in concert with Laura Story and Jason Gray. Since a young age I've been a big fan of Steven Curtis Chapman. It seems like God uses Steven's music at critical times in my life. That proved to be true once again last Friday evening.
I knew that there would be some tear-jerking moments during the night. That's just a given. What I didn't expect was to quietly sob throughout the entire night. Each song seemed to speak to an area God had been pressing in on recently. Finally the fog in my heart and mind began to clear and I understood some of what God was leading me to see. I pulled out my phone and jotted down some thoughts.
Lessons Learned This Week:
- I'm a lot more broken than I realize.
- I have a lot more healing to do than I realize.
- I haven't been very joyful for a long time.
- I've been "having to" do my job instead of "getting to."
Those are just some of the things I'm begining to recognize in my life. While explaining this to Anita, I likened it to the build up in an artery or plumbing. We usually don't notice the build up until there are some major problems. If we're lucky, someone brings the gunk to our attention before that happens. Such is the case for me. Through two conversations last week, God began the process of cleaning out the gunk in my heart.
The last six years have been emotionally, mentally and spiritually challenging. Even the last year has had it's fair share of pain. I haven't been honest with myself about the toll these years have had on me. My desire now is to allow God to continue His cleansing, healing work in my heart and life. I want to fully embrace the season He has me and the place He's called me to serve. I want to do this with a thankful and joyful heart. I'm praying that God will restore to me the joy of His salvation. I'm praying that God's consolation will cheer my soul.
I'm grateful that "nothing is wasted."
I'm thankful that "blessings come through rain drops."
And that God has promised to "finish what He started."